Once More With Feeling
by Birdhouse in your Soul
Summary: Master Chief and his new apprentice, Nightmare, are on a quest... to find a quest! Now, in the most epic and pointless adventure in the history of adventures, they will travel the world in search of a purpose! Rated T for some language.
1. The Marvelous Misadventures Begin

**CHAPTER 1: THE MARVELOUS MISADVENTURES BEGIN**

The sound of macine gun fire pierced th early morning air as a warthog drove around the military base, shooting anything and everything in its path.

"ALRIGHT! STOP!" the driver commanded.

The passengers of the warthog all got out and the two followers awaited further orders from their commander.

Their commander was Master Chief, the self-proclaimed ruler of the desoltate tundra they were stationed on as part of their training. With him was Nightmare, his apprentice whom he had picked up during a cameo appearance he had made in another story not so long ago. Also tagging along was Bob, the elite who operated the weaponry and followed them around. Because Bob spoke Wortish, only Master Chief could understand anything he said.

"Good work, team! We'll be able to destroy those security guns and get out of this stupid place if we keep building up our firepower," Master Chief stated.

"Wort wort wort!" Bob said.

"Yes, Bob. Once we've escaped this god-forsaken tundra we can get back to the main base and our real missions can begin!" Master Chief turned to Nightmare. "And today, apprentice, YOUR training starts."

Nightmare looked up at him, his eyes all huge and sparkly. "REALLY?!"

"Yes. So far, all you've done is follow me around and ride in the warthog... But today, all that changes."

"WHEEEEEEE!!!" Nightmare squealed, jumping up and down.

"Okay! Now, Bob, while I get the rookie started, you go get some intel on those security guns."

"Wort!" Bob replied, saluting and running off.

"So what should we start with?" Master Chief asked no one in particular. "Hmmm... How 'bout guns? Here, this is a gun." He handed Nightmare a machine gun.

"Oh, I know that already."

"Okay, to fire that thing, hold it like this and pull the trigger."

"I know how to do that too."

Master Chief scowled (not that you could tell). "Okay... Then shoot something."

Nightmare shot the wall.

"...Meh, not too bad... But you've got a ways to go."

Nightmare looked like he was about to cry. "I'm sorry! I'm trying my best!

"Stop sniveling!" Master Chief commanded. "Now we move on to grenades and other neat stuff."

He took out an assortment ot grenades, bombs, and landmines. He handed one of the landmines to Nightmare.

"Put that on the ground in front of you."

Nightmare obeyed.

"Now step on it."

Nightmare did, and of course the landmine exploded, sending him flying. Master Chief smacked his forehead and ran over to help him up.

"I didn't think you would actually step on it! Okay, new rule: DON'T STEP ON LANDMINES."

"Got it..."

"Next, we move on to the grenades..."

And so Nightmare's training continued until dark.

"Good work, rookie! Tomorrow we'll start on your combat training."

"I have a question... What does carrying you back to the campsite have to do with my weapon training?"

"Are you contradicting my chiefy ways?!"

"No! Of course not! It's just... my back hurts..."

"ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT?!"

"No! I'm sorry!"

"What kind of apprentice are you?" Master Chief asked, all seriousness now. "I'm nice enough to take you in and you pay me back by complaining about a little backache and calling me fat! What about me? My feet hurt. I've been walking around for hours. I'm tired. Maybe I don't feel like walking back to the base. And I thought maybe you could find it within the goodness of your heart to give me a piggyback ride. But I can see you don't care."

"Oh, no, I'm sorry! I do care! I'll never complain again, I promise!"

"Well, okay... But don't let it happen again!"

Bob had already set up the campfire. Master Chief jumped down from Nightmare's shoulder and poor overworked Nightmare collapsed on the spot.

"Hey, Bob! So what did you find out about those security guns?"

"Wort wort wort, wort wort wort wort, wort wort."

"I see, so all we need to do is find a rocket launcher and we're good to go!"

"Wort! Wort wort wort wort wort!"

"What do you mean there's no rocket launchers anywhere near here?! ARGH!!!"

Master Chief stomped over and sat by the fire. Bob and Nightmare joined him.

He sighed. "We'll never get out of here! Oh well... At least we can get some training in..."

"So... What's for dinner?" Nightmare asked.

"Spam again," Master Chief replied. He leaned over and reached into a burlap sack, tossing a can of spam to each of his cohorts, and taking one for himself. He ate his spam through a food slot in the front of his helmet, since no one is allowed to see his face.

When they were done eating, they each took their notebooks out of their backpacks and recorded the day's events.

_Dear Diary...wait, no... too girly...Journal...hmmm...still to girly... Oh, here we go: BATTLE LOG,_

_Today we drove the warthog around and I taught my apprentice how to shoot a gun. He has quite a bit to learn about this whole combat thing. I guess he really wasn't made for this type of game. Bob analyzed the security guns today and found out we need a rocket launcher to destroy them. I just hope we find them soon, I'm getting sick of spam._

_Dear Journal,_

_Today Master Chief taught me all the basics of combat. He's so awesome. Tomorrow we have to search for a rocket launcher to destroy those weird guns that shoot us every time we try to leave. I wonder why we're sleeping outside when there's a nice warm base right next to us? Oh well, Master Chief says the cold is good for my combat skills. I'm not sure what sleeping in the cold has to do with combat, but Master Chief said it so it must be true. He's so awesome._

_Wort wort,_

_Wort wort wort wort wort wort wort wort wort wort wort wort wort wort. Wort wort._

_***_

The next morning Master Chief woke up at an ungodly hour, dragging Nightmare with him into the warthog and they drove off to begin a probably endlesss search for a rocket launcher and Nightmare's first day of real action.

"Look alive, apprentice! This is day two of your training! Today you'll be seeing some real action! And if you happen to find a rocket launcher, bring it to me."

"Yes, sir!" Nightmare replied enthusiastcally, saluting.

"Now, you wait here. I'll go hide somewhere, so you count to 500 and come find me when you're done. Then we'll try to kill eachother."

"What?! But Master Chief I can't kill you!"

"Don't worry, I'll just respawn if I die anyway. Get counting!"

Being such a loyal apprentice, Nightmare sat down and counted ALL THE WAY to 500. He didn't even do the lame-o counting thing and skip numbers, no, he counted ALL THE WAY.

After wandering around with his machine gun for a bit, he saw Master Chief sitting against a rock. He began firing.

Master Cheif simply walked up to him and pulled out a shotgun. Needless to say, that fight was over PDQ.

"Words of wisdom: Never go up against someone with a shotgun if all you're armed with is a machine gun. SHOTGUN ALWAYS WINS."

"Yes sir..." Nightmare replied.

"Now it's time for-- SWEET MOTHER OF GOD! A ROCKET LAUNCHER!!!"

Master Chief and Nightmare scrambled over to the rocket launcher, the solution to all their problems. Nightmare went to pick it up, but Master Chief smacked his hand away.

"Sorry..." Nighmare mumbled sheepishly.

"Don't touch it. You might break it. And this thing is the answer to all our problems... Our only route of escape! We'll use this thing to blow those security guns to bits and then get the hell out of here! Go gather up any loot you can, apprentice. I'll go get Bob." Master Chief stood up, looking heroic. "Tonight... We escape!"


	2. Busting Out

**CHAPTER 2: BUSTING OUT**

"Ready, Bob?" Master Chief asked.

"Wort!" Bob replied, readying the rocket launcher.

"LET'S GO!"

The warthog took off, with Bob in the back, manning the rocket launcher. As they approached each security gun, Bob fired with dead-on precision. It wasn't long before all the guns were smoldering piles of ash.

"It's time to taste freedom, apprentice!" Master Cheif yelled enthusiastically, flooring the accelerator.

"YAAAYYY!"

***

_Dear BATTLE LOG,_

_We've escaped the tundra. My apprentice is driving, so I have some time to write. He's proving to be more useful than I thought. He even found some needlers when he was looting in preparation for our escape. So I guess now *scribble*_

_Crap, my apprentice just crashed the warthog. Well, I'd better go drive now..._

_Dear Journal,_

_Aw, I crashed the warthog. Master Chief is mad at me now. He's so awesome. He taught me all about shot guns and how they pwn all other weapons because I tried to beat him with a machine gun and he pwn'd me. He's so awesome. I found a needler and some shiny grenades. Master Chief says we'll probably be attacked by the Flood before we get to the sea. Those things are scary. Why are we going to the sea anyway? Master Chief turned my parents and twin brother into Flood... He's so awesome. Well, the road's getting bumpy so I'll finish writing later. Master Chief is so awesome._

***

Master Chief got bored after a while, so he decided to get his companions involved in a sing-along.

"What should we sing?" Nightmare asked.

"I don't know, just sing."

"OKAY!"

"WE'RE... SINGING REALLY LOUDLY, LALA LALA LA!" Master Chief and Nightmare screamed in unison.

"Wort..." Bob moaned.

After singing that same verse over and over again far a while, they broke off singing their own songs.

"WE CAN DANCE IF WE WANT TO! WE CAN LEAVE YOUR FRIENDS BEHIND! 'CAUSE YOUR FRIENDS DON'T DANCE AND IF THEY DON'T DANCE THEN THEY'RE NO FRIENDS OF MINE!" Master Chief sang.

"What's that screaming coming from your helmet?" Nightmare asked. "Do you have invsible gnomes living in your head or something?"

"Yeah... Let's go with that."

"And what's that thing you're always poking in the back of your helmet?"

"It's...chocolate."

Nightmare's eyes lit up. "Oooh, can I have it?! Our food supplies are running low and I'm really hungry..."

"No."

"But I really want it--"

"NO!"

"Aww..."

"Look," Master Chief said with an exasperated sigh, "It's not even chocolate, it's a data di--" The split second he took it out, Nightmare snatched it and swallowed it whole. "OH MY GOD YOU ATE CORTANA!!!"

"I thought that chocolate tasted funny," Nightmare mused.

"Oh well," Master Chief sighed, waving his hand dismissively. "At least I don't have to listen to her anymore."

***

_Dear BATTLE LOG,_

_We're on the road again. We stopped at Starbucks because Bob didn't get much sleep last night and it's his turn to dirve. My apprentice is in the back, all hopped up on that 4 pack of doubleshots of esspresso he drank. I mean, DUDE. No more caffiene for him._

_Dear Journal,_

_Oh, wow, I am sooooo hyper! I feel like I could fly right now. MASTER CHIEF BOUGHT ME ESSPRESSO!!! =D_

***

The next morning after replenishing their energy at Starbucks, the trio set out on the road again. Nightmare eventually burned himself out from all the caffeine and was now sleeping like a rock in the back seat.

And then, all of the sudden, there was a huge explosion in the background.

"Wort wort wort?!"

Master Chief looked in the rear-view mirror. "OMG! THE FLOOD!!!"

Nightmare's head popped up from the back seat. "Flood?!"

They were indeed being followed by a herd of Flood - thousands of them - all riding Harleys.

"DRIVE FASTER, BOB!" Master Chief yelled.

"WORT WORT WORT WORT WORT WORT WORT!!!" Bob screamed in response.

"THEN LET ME DRIVE!!!"

Bob and Master Chief quickly switched seats. Bob grabbed a gun and began firing at the mass of Flood following them. Nightmare, unsure of what to do, just sat there.

"YOU IDIOT!!!" Master Chief yelled. "DON'T JUST SIT THERE!!! GRAB A GUN AND HELP BOB!!!"

"YES SIR!" Nightmare replied, grabbing a machine gun, but unfortunately he only succeeded in shooting himself in the foot. Bob smacked his forehead. Nightmare handed the machine gun to him and ducked, clutching his foot and whimpering in pain. Bob unleashed hell.

They drove along at top speed like this for a few more minutes, Master Chief driving like a maniac, Nightmare hiding in the back, and Bob firing those guns like there was no tomorrow.

"OH MY GOD!!!" Master Chief yelled suddenly when he looked at the fuel levels. "WE'RE GONNA RUN OUT OF GAS!!!"

The warthog began to slow down.

"NOOOOO!!!"

"WOOOOORT!!!"

"KEEP FIRING, BOB!!! OUR LIVES DEPEND ON IT!!!"

Then, in a dramatic and extremely random turn of events, every last one of the Flood that were chasing them died of heart attacks.

"Wow, that was conveinient..." Master Chief muttered as he pulled into a Shell. He sat back with a loud sigh. "Well, that was nervewracking... Everyone okay?"

Nightmare, whose foot had healed miraculously, responded happily, "Yep!"

"I was talking to Bob," Master Chief grumbled. "Go fill up the gas tank."

Nightmare's happiness deflated like a balloon under a bombardment of sewing needles. He grabbed one of the gas nozzles and jammed it into the warthog's tank.

Once they had filled up on gas, they hit the road again. They stopped at a Rocery Warhose on the way and stocked up on useless junk food, i.e., Totino's pizzas, Twinkies, Dr. Pepper, a giant tub of ice cream, 12 cases of Ramen, and a turtle cheesecake. With the shopping out of the way, they set off once more for the base to begin their real mission...

***

_Dear BATTLE LOG,_

_We're almost to the base! We were attacked by Flood, but something weird happened and they all died of heart attacks. I'm getting pretty good at driving with my feet. And writing at the same time._

_Dear Journal,_

_I wish I had a gun so I could shoot myself. I'm not good enough to be Master Chief's apprentice. Maybe if I'm lucky I'll fall out of the warthog and get eaten by a snail._

_***_

Five days later, they arrived at the base...

"Master Chief, you're back!"

"'Sup, Admiral."

"Well, now that you're done with that undercover mission we're sending your team to a jungle infested with Flood. Here's a weedhacker."

"Uhhh... Thanks... Hey, can my apprentice come too?"

"Your apprentice?"

Master Chief pointed at Nightmare.

"Uhhh... I guess so..."

Nightmare's eyes got all big and sparkly again. "YOU MEAN I CAN GO WITH YOU?!"

"Well... Yeah. I do need a meat shield, after all."

"Wort wort wort wort wort wort wort, wort wort wort wort," Bob added.

"Exactly," Master Chief agreed. Nightmare was confused.

"Well, when you're done with the morning coffee, we'll drop you off in the jungle to take care of that Flood problem."

Master Chief and Bob saluted as the Admiral walked off. Master Chief handed the weedhacker to Bob and sat down in one of the ridiculously expensive leather chairs to have his coffee.

"Isn't this exciting, apprentice?! We're going to a desolate jungle in the middle of nowhere armed with only a weedhacker against hordes of flesh-rending zombie creatures!" Master Chief said enthusiastically.

"Uhhh... Yeah..." Ngihtmare replied. But the truth was that he was not excited at all. In fact he was terrified out of his wits. However, he noticed something and completely forgot all about that. "Hey, Master Chief, how come you drink your coffee through the front of your helmet like Dark Helmet from SpaceBalls? Wouldn't it be easier to take your helmet off?"

"Well, yeeeessssss..." Master Chief replied.

"Then why don't you?"

"Uhhh... Well..." Master Chief stammered nervously. He decided to change the subject. "Why don't you ever take YOUR helmet off?"

"Oh, well, I have really bad helmet hair. It makes me look funny. So I just leave my helmet on."

"Wort wort wort wort wort wort wort wort wort..." Bob muttered.

"What'd he say?" Nightmare asked, confused.

"He said it might help if you actually washed your hair..." Master Chief translated.

"You're supposed to wash hair?"


	3. Don't I Know You

**CHAPTER 3: DON'T I KNOW YOU?**

When morning coffee was over, the trio was sent off to the jungle and dropped into a huge lake of quicksand. By the time they managed to get out, the Flood were already attacking them like crazed berserkers. Master Chief tried to fend them off with the weedhacker, but needless to say, that method proved ineffective and he dramatically changed his tactics.

"RUN AWAY!" Master Chief shouted. The other two didn't have to be told twice.

They managed to make it behind a large boulder, where they hid, attempting to formulate a plan.

"Damnit!" Master Chief grumbled. "If only I had a gun..."

"Wort wort wort wort wort wort wort wort," Bob suggested.

"Hey, that's not a bad idea!"

"What?" Nightmare asked, worried. "What's not a bad idea...?"

"We're going to sacrifice you and see if that makes them happy!"

"WHAT?!"

"Hey, you wanted to help, right? What better way to go than defending your team leader? Now, get out there and look appetizing!" Master Chief commanded.

Nightmare whimpered and inched out from behind the rock. Right now being ripped to shreds by horrible bloodthirsty zombie-aliens did not sound like fun.

But when he approached the Flood, something interesting happened. They didn't seem to notice him at all.

"Crap, I was looking forward to seeing him get eaten," Master Chief muttered under his breath.

Then something downright weird happened.

A few of the Flood staggered over to Nightmare and looked him up and down, then, out of nowhere, they began hugging him as though he was some kind of fluffy stuffed animal.

"Master Chief!" Nightmare called. "What are they doing? This is kinda creepy!"

"I don't know!" Master Chief answered. "Maybe it's the arm... You kinda look like them, y'know?"

"Umm... Help..."

Master Chief tried to approach the mass of Flood, but as soon as they say him they went completely berserk. He quickly darted behind the boulder again, and their attention returned to Nightmare. They took turns hugging him. It was the weirdest thing Master Chief had ever seen.

"So, now my apprentice has been adopted by the Flood," he muttered. "Excellent."

One particularly clinging Flood refused to release Nightmare even after all the others had grown bored with him and shuffled off. Nightmare tried to squirm out of its grasp, but it began to drag him off into the forest. Stealthily, Master Chief and Bob got up and followed it.

"Ummm... Excuse me, Mr. Flood... Or are you a girl? I can't tell..." Nightmare said cautiously. "Anyway, um... Why are you kidnapping me?"

The Flood didn't answer. It dragged him along for a bit longer, and eventually they came to a cave. Within was an even bigger mass of Flood who seemed to find Nightmare just as interesting as the last group had. They all huddled around him, growling and making other stange noises that Nightmare found slightly terrifying.

"Um... Hi..."

They huddled in closer and began patting his head.

But then, Master Chief and Bob ran in with flamethrowers and incinerated a fair portion of the group. While the rest stood there dumbly, trying to figure out what had just happened, Master Chief tossed a few plasma grenades into the crowd, which took care of the rest of them.

"Wow," Nightmare gasped, amazed. "That...was...AWESOME!"

"Of course it was," Master Chief scoffed. "Well, let's get going."

The three of them set off deeper into the jungle. After a while, Master Chief got tired of walking and decided to make Bob carry him.

As they were walking along, something came flying out of a tree, tackling Nightmare to the ground. Master Chief jumped down from Bob's shoulders and turned around to see that it was a crazy-looking guy with long blonde hair wearing nothing but a pair of ripped-up jeans. He was throttling Nightmare like some sort of madman on crack.

"Hey, dude, listen! That guy is my apprentice, so stop strangling him! I paid good money for him!" Master Chief shouted.

"Wort wort wort," Bob pointed out.

"Oh, he was free?" Master Chief waved his hand dismissively. "Never mind, then. You can kill him if you want."

The crazy blonde stared at Master Chief for a few seconds. Nightmare took the opportunity to speak now that his esophagus was not being crushed and thrashed about.

"Hey Siegfried (COUGH) I thought (HACK GAG COUGH) you were a Flood?"

"Well, I found a glowing pile of blue crap," Siegfried explained. "I poked it and it exploded on me, and then somehow I was human again."

"Amazing," Nightmare squeaked.

"Mm-hmm. Anyhow, where were we? Oh yeah... YAAAAHHHH!" Siegfried yelled, slamming his knee into Nightmare's solar plexus and continuing to throttle him. "YOU STUPID BASTARD!"

"Wh-whaddid I do...?" Nightmare asked as best he could - It's awfully hard to speak when you're being strangled.

Siegfried dropped him suddenly. "Well, let's recap, shall we? ...Uhhh... well... you um... uhhh... OH, I KNOW-- Oh wait, Astaroth did that... hmm... Well..." He was stumped. "I can't think of anything right now... But I hate you."

As Nightmare gasped for air, Master Chief walked up to Siegfried and put a hand on his shoulder. "Say, you seem like an intelligent young chap! How's about joining us in our quest to... ummmm...uhhh... Hey Bob, what's our quest again?"

"Wort wort."

"You have no idea?" Master Chief turned back to Siegfried. "Hmm, okay then... Why don't you join us in our quest to find a quest?"

"What are the benefits?" Siegfried asked.

"Well, you get guns and grenades."

"Oh! Sign me up then!"

"Alright, consider yourself a member of the team!"

"What?!" Nightmare exclaimed, stunned. "But but but but but!"

"Be quiet."

"But Master Chieeeeef..."

"SILENCE!" Master Chief commanded, smacking Nightmare with a conveiniently placed frying pan. "I will accept no backtalk from you, apprentice!"

"Sorry..."

So Nightmare resorted to making faces at Siegfried as they walked through the jungle to the rendezvous point. Of course, it wasn't like you could tell.

And, through yet another complicated and boring series of events, Master Chief and the gang ended up back at the base...


	4. Battle of the Bands

**CHAPTER 4: BATTLE OF THE BANDS**

_Dear BATTLE LOG,_

_We took care of that Flood infestation and this crazy blonde guy attacked us. He's part of the team now. My apprentice doesn't seem to like him much. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that he jumped out of a tree and tried to strangle him? Oh well, I don't feel like thinking right now, I'm getting some coffee._

_Dear Journal,_

_Stupid Siegfried! He always has to show up and ruin everything. Not only that, but he's part of the team now, so I'm going to have to put up with him ALL THE TIME! This sucks._

Master Chief grabbed a cup of coffe and started drinking it Dark Helmet-style again. His sidekicks waited around for the next mission, bored out of their minds.

Then, the Admiral came back.

"Good work, Master Chief. We have another assignment for you."

"Are we EVER going to get a vacation?" Master Chief muttered to himself.

"You see, our nightclub is going downhill. We need something to liven it up. So, tonight, we're having a Battle of the Bands! We need one more band, so you and your team will have to do. See you there."

"Since when does this place have a nightclub?!" Master Chief exclaimed. "That aside, how do they expect us to be prepared to rock in a matter hours?! There's no way we can find enough people with enough musical talent by tonight."

"Wort wort!" Bob agreed.

"Well... I'm pretty good with a guitar..." Master Chief said.

"Hey, me too!" Nightmare exclaimed.

"What? Really?"

"Uh-huh..."

"Okay then, I'm lead guitar, you're backup guitar. Now all we need is a drummer, a vocalist, a bassist, someone to man the synthesizer...and... a burly tough guy to glare at the audience if they don't cheer for us."

"I know just the guy you're looking for!" Nightmare proclaimed, beaming. "Anyone got a phone?"

* * *

Meanwhile, many miles away...

"Mr Harvey?" a secretary asked sheepishly. "There's a man on the phone named 'Nightmare' claiming to know you..."

"What?! Give me that phone!" the guy known as Mr. Harvey demanded, snatching the phone from the secretary. "Hello?"

"Golbez, mah homedawg! Howzit goin'?"

"Nightmare, don't ever do that again," Golbez said with a sigh. "I thought I told you never to call me at work."

"You did. But this is an emergency!"

"What kind of emergency?"

"Well..."

* * *

"Well, that took a lot of convincing..." Nightmare mumbled as he hung up. "But our tough guy problem is solved!"

"That's great, apprentice, but we need to worry more about the MUSIC part!" Master Chief shouted, annoyed.

"Okay, okay. Can I see that phone again?"

* * *

Meanwhile, many more miles in the oppsite driection...

"AAAGGHH!!!"

"Astaroth, it's just the phone..."

"Oh."

With a sigh, the scythe-weilding immortal man known as Zasalamel picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"So this IS your number!"

"...Is this... NIGHTMARE?!"

"Yep."

"Dude, you're alive! Yoshimitsu told us you got turned into a zombie!" Zasalamel exclaimed.

"Hmm, no, I'm alive. Hey, listen, I need your help."

"Oh." Zasalamel frowned and handed the phone to Astaroth. "Kindly leave me out of it."

"NIGHTMARE, MAH HOMESKILLET!" Astaroth exclaimed happily.

"Hey, buddy! You still know how to play bass, right?" Nightmare asked.

"Yeah... Why?"

"Great, there's a cab coming to pick you up at 5. And get Maxi, too. We need a drummer."

* * *

"Now, all that's left is a vocalist and someone to be on the synthesizer."

"I can do the synthesizer..." Siegfried said boredly.

"And... Bob can be our vocalist!" Nightmare suggested.

"Great!" Master Chief exclaimed. "Now we have a band. What should we be called?"

"SMASHING ATOMS!!!" Nightmare declared randomly.

"Wow, that was easy. We put together a whole band in less than 4 minutes."

"But we still need instruments," Siegfried pointed out.

"Oh yeah..." Master Chief mumbled.

"Hey, doesn't the old nightclub band have instruments?" Nightmare asked.

"You're right! I'm sure they won't mind if we borrow them."

* * *

"And now, we are officially a band!" Master Chief exclaimed. "I'm sure glad that after some nice, calm negotiations, the old band let us have their instruments."

"Yeah!" Nightmare agreed. "But I had no idea calm negotiations involved so much yelling... or machine gun fire."

"Wort wort," Bob said.

"Mm, yeah. So, what should we play?"

They were all silent.

"You mean no one's written any music?! Agh, do I have to do everything myself?!" Master Chief threw up his hands and stomped into the back room. There were some hammering noises, sparks, a few explosions, and the sound of a dying cat. A few minutes later he emerged with a peice of paper.

"Here, this is what we'll play tonight," he said. "Oh look, the other band members are here! Just in time for us to practice!"

The cab pulled up and out stepped Golbez, Astaroth, and Maxi.

Master Chief walked over to Astaroth. "Ah, you must be the threatening guy."

Astaroth looked confused. "No... I'm the bassist."

"What?"

"I'm the threatening guy," Golbez said, raising his hand.

"In THAT outfit?! Dude, you look like you just walked out of a circus! What's so terrifying about YOU?!" Master Chief scoffed.

Nightmare ran up. "Well, he can summon a massively destructive meteor storm, incinerate the entire audience, and fill the nightclub with a deadly miasma, all in less than 2.5 seconds."

Master Chief considered this. "Really? Well, that COULD be useful..." He looked over at Maxi. "So... You must be the drummer. ...Apprentice?"

"Yeeees, Master Chief?"

"...Why'd you hire Elvis Presley to be the drummer?"

"THE NAME'S MAXI. MAXI!!!" Maxi exploded.

"Whatever, Elvis." Master Chief turned towards the stage. "Alright, people! Let's get this show on the road!"

* * *

"Welcome to the first tri-annual Battle of the Bands!" the Admiral announced. The audience cheered. "Now, three of these bands you already know, but tonight we have some newcomers... Say hello to Smashing Atoms!"

The audience went absolutely crazy as the spotlight moved over to the stage with Master Chief and his band.

"LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!"

* * *

"We're up next," Master Chief announced to his band as the crowd applauded for the song that had just ended. "Remember, do everything just like we rehearsed!"

"Now, finally, the moment you've all been waiting for... Give it up for SMASHING ATOMS!"

The band silently filed out onto the stage and prepared to rock.

"Do... NOT... mess this up!" Master Chief hissed at Nightmare, who squeaked and nodded.

They started playing.

_Wort wort wort_

_Wort wort wort wort wort_

_Wort WORT wort wort woooooort_

_WORT WORT WORT_

_WOOOOOOOORT_

_(Chorus)_

_Wort wort wort wort wort wort wort,_

_wort wort wooooort_

_wort wort wort wort_

_WORT WORT WORT!_

Nightmare and Master Chief then started shredding some seriously wicked awesome guitar solos, and Golbez decided to light the back of the stage on fire, which made the crowd go even more wild than they already were.

_Wort wort wort wort_

_Wort wort wort_

_Wort wort wort wort wort wort_

_Wort wort wort_

_Wort wort wort WORT_

_WORT WORT WORT WORT!_

_(Chorus)_

_WORT WORT_

_wort_

_WORT WORT WORT!!!_

The deafening roar that sounded from the audience when the song was over made it pretty obvious- They had won.

They finished by smashing their instruments all over the stage and running out of the nightclub, screaming bizarre war cries and waving peices of smashed guitars over their heads. They slammed the door in Maxi's face when he tried to follow after them and ran out onto the street, forming a South Park line and walking in unison like they were so badass.

Then Master Chief noticed something.

"Hey guys... Do you smell something burning?"

The entire group turned around to see that the nightclub had gone up in flames. Golbez cringed.

"Forgot to put the fire out... Oops... Oh well."


End file.
